Does it ever feel like you can’t turn your back for a second without your children fighting with each other? Whether it be yelling and screaming or even kicking and punching, maintaining harmony within the family can be an immense challenge for parents. While it's normal for siblings to experience some level of conflict, parents can play a pivotal role in helping their children manage disagreements effectively, steering them away from disruptive or potentially harmful behaviours. Here are just a few steps you can take towards ensuring sibling conflict remains constructive rather than destructive.
Embrace an authoritative parenting style. Research indicates that an authoritative parenting approach is linked to the lowest levels of sibling conflict. Authoritative parenting involves listening to your child's perspective while also holding them accountable for their actions. This stands in contrast to permissive parenting, where a child's perspective is valued but accountability is lacking, and authoritarian parenting, where accountability is emphasized but the child's perspective is disregarded. So, responses like "I don’t care who started it, I’m finishing it!" may not be the most constructive approach to resolving conflicts. Instead, strive to understand your children's thoughts and feelings while clearly communicating the need for behavioural change.
View conflict as a learning opportunity. While many parents wish their children would never fight, sibling conflicts can actually serve as valuable learning experiences. Such situations offer children the chance to develop essential problem-solving, emotion regulation, and assertiveness skills within a relatively safe environment. As a parent, do your best to support your children in resolving disagreements and managing their emotions effectively, rather than swooping in to solve the issues for them. Additionally, if you find yourself lacking in these skills, it's important to start learning them as soon as possible.
Cultivate prosocial behaviour. While it's natural for parents to focus on minimizing conflict within the family, this emphasis sometimes leads to less attention being paid to nurturing prosocial behaviours such as cooperation, altruism, and sharing. Regardless of the frequency of conflicts, the quality of a relationship is strongly predicted by the percentage of positive interactions. Be sure to encourage your children to consider each other's needs and feelings even in times of peace, thereby mitigating the impact of any negative interactions that may arise.